“Okay, listen. You’re a human with a living body. Rest and get better. Don’t treat yourself like a machine because you’re not one.”
That’s what I would say to someone else who was sick. Conferences to submit to? Papers to write? Who cares. Right now, you need rest so stop talking and get back in bed. No, absolutely do not format your references. Put down the computer. Drink this soup instead.
Why is it so hard to give that same advice to myself?
This week, I was trying really hard to get a conference submission together for SIGSCE 2025. I’m excited about the research. It’s on equity in online computer science programs, which I think is really important. I’ve already done most of the work. I just need to adjust the paper to fit the length requirements and the formatting standards of this particular conference.
And yet. The Brain Fog.
I’ve been sick for the last week, and getting myself to do these seemingly simple tasks has been impossible. The usual level of executive dysfunction + impaired thinking due to illness = an unmanageable state for writing an academic paper.
I spent all day Friday–and I mean, all day–trying to get this done. I went to bed Saturday frustrated with myself.
Then I woke up Saturday and realized that it didn’t matter how I felt about myself because this paper was not getting written. There was just no way my brain would do it.
And now, knowing that, I realize I could have just rested on Friday and been better off for it. There will be other conferences. The research is still there. Why did I push myself to get it done?
Or rather, why not push myself to get it done? Forget why I tried to do it. That doesn’t matter now. What about all the reasons to not push yourself when you’re sick?
Because you’re a human with a living body. I’m a human with a living body. We’re not machines.
I took a reading seminar a few semesters back where we went through Possible Minds, a collection of essays on the rise of so-called “AI.” The essays range from hopeful to critical, and from insightful to downright misinformed and poorly reasoned (if I can insert my opinion here).
But, if we can focus on the insightful essays for just a moment. One of the more helpful ideas that has stuck with me from this book is in the introduction which quotes George Dyson describing Norman Wiener:
Wiener became increasingly disenchanted with the “gadget worshipers” whose corporate selfishness brought “motives to automatization that go beyond a legitimate curiosity and are sinful in themselves.” He knew the danger was not machines becoming more like humans but humans being treated like machines.
We live in this age of technology, and it’s obvious that we design (or fail to design) that technology to fit our needs. Shaping the technology to us as human beings seems obvious, because it’s designed. Obviously there are failures there, and we can talk at length about that.
But can we turn our attention over here for a moment? It’s less obvious how the technology shapes us. But doesn’t it? Aren’t we trained to use our bodies in particular ways for this or that interface?
Or, what about the more insidious ways we train ourselves and others to fit out minds into the ways of thinking that fit with technology? Do you write resumes with certain keywords to get past automation technology that filters out candidates? Have you changed your media habits to “train” your recommendations to get what you want? Do you make guesses about why you were served particular ads? Are you aware of the marketing categories you might be assigned to? Do you ever use “productivity hacks” to plan your day and get more done?
I feel that this is one of those things that, once seen, cannot be unseen. Maybe you can think of other ways you adjust your behavior around technology. If so, please let me know. I’m curious.
But at the same time, how do you feel about it? Isn’t it so ick? We’re not machines.
This obsession with productivity and automation dates back to the industrial revolution and perhaps earlier, but it really seems to have kicked it several notches in the wake of the technological revolution. Mass production. Efficiency. Profit. Repeat.
To return to the topic at-hand: I did not complete the paper submission and that’s okay.
Modern-day hustle culture is a scam. You cannot work endlessly without breaking down. You can’t be patched up or work at 50% level. You’re a human! With a living body! You need rest and time. This urge to push ourselves when we’re sick, or sad, or carrying other responsibilities–it is bad. It is buying into a pathological ideal of mechanized humans that is simply not real.
So, I’m telling myself. Get in bed. Drink the soup. Get better. Later you can write the paper. Or maybe just have a good frolic. Today, and tomorrow, I can be kind to others and kind to myself.
Leave a Reply